PhD Journey - The Ups and Downs

(This was drafted right after I finished PhD)

Milestones

2013: Research proposal defense

2 August 2016: Submission of Thesis for Viva

19 September 2016: VIVA

27 October 2016: Submission Corrected Thesis

20 November 2016: Submission of hardbound thesis

15 January 2017: Senate Approval

28 April 2017: Convocation

19 September 2016, 9.30 a.m. after about 20 minutes, I stopped my mouth from explaining my research. The chairman opened for Q&A session. <krik krik> nor examiner 1 or 2 speak up. The chairman stressed out again any question or comment? Examiner 1 commented a little bit on Chapter 4, some words should be changed, graphs to be added on moderation tests, and the rest are ok, write up are very nice and easy to understand. Is this the reason why she congratulated me when I entered the room that morning? Then examiner 2 said she had some questions to ask but I have answered it during my presentation. Really, God is helping me. She added to look at referencing style and formatting. The rest, write up are very nice and easy to understand. Again?! I can't believe it. Even the chairman looked shocked with the situation. 

About 15 minutes after I finished my presentation, the chairman asked me to go out from the room for a while for them to discuss the result. Outside, I looked at viva room 1, 2, and 3. Still occupied and no one was waiting outside. I looked at the banquet tables (graduate schools prepared for breakfast and lunch for morning viva session, some viva sessions tend to extend til lunchtime), some of the breakfast are untouched. I was alone, not even my husband has arrived as I told him to come after 10 a.m. After about 5 minutes, I was asked to enter the room. 

The chairman was smiling, saying that this is the shortest viva session I ever attended. The awaited result, I was granted B1 result. Never in my dream, I ever imagined getting this result. In our PhD circle group, we were always hoping someone would get this and what a surprise I was the first one! B1 means minor correction in a month time, thesis need to be checked only by supervisor. Speechless. Tears started to flow. Husband arrived. 

Highest appreciation first and foremost to my husband, who has motivated me to go on this path, to continue supporting me, even in my darkest hardest moment. There were several times I was nearly quit this journey but he stood still in front of me forcing me to continue.  Secondly, to my best supervisor Dr Ahmad. He is a kind of supervisor that every PhD candidate wants. Observant not controller. Last, my family and friends. They are the one who really wants to see the result of my absence during a gathering or happy moments. 

Alhamdulillah...

Time-Set-Go

I just had a conversation with my only true friend Su. She is the one who always by my side. Sharing laughter and tears for the past 6 years.We worked together at sps, resigned together, started Master together and now doing PhD together. We are worrying our research progress. What to do, to plan since theres only little time left. The solutions:

1. Defence on August.

2. Pilot study on September.

3. Collect data on October-November.

4. December we'll continue our life better. 

Finger crossed xx

My Passion..Sigh

Academic is really not my passion. I hate sitting and reading academic materials which I think I couldnt broaden my mind with this kind of thing. It's not that I cant study, but most of the times it wont last longer. I will attracted to do other things. And in my opinion it is because I dont have passion in this job. Frankly speaking I was not sincere when I started my PhD. Just because it's hard to get good job and I got scholarship I continue my study. If these 2 things didnt happened to me, I might not be sitting now in front of computer doing silly thing - study.

If UTM allows me to terminate my study without paying back the scholarship, I've done that!

So what is my passion? Let me list down what are things that I dont wana do. Teaching, marketing or anything related to giving oral explanation. I hate to think. I love things that comes naturally. I want to involve with NGO association. I love cooking. I love non-high-level-job. I love to have small business.

It's my today's ramble. I still dont know what I want to be. I dont wana be lecturer but what else can I be after getting my PhD? Sigh...........................

Malas

Malas.....

Malas nak buat semua benda. Malas nak study. Malas nak masak. Malas nak tulis blog. Malas nak basuh kereta. Malas nak makan.

Tapi facebook, instagram, youtube x malas pulak?!

Ahh....cepatla penyeksaan ni habis.

Btw, his coming over..hopefully the laziness will gone if not all, some. So...lets have chicken dance :P

Tiring Day

This post is supposedly to be published yesterday, but since I was really exhausted, I just managed to finish it today. As mentioned previously, I attended a conference at university for 2 days. That was my 1st ever conference.

The conference was not as fancy as other international conference, hence the fees also not fancy :) Normally, participants divided into groups for separate presentation based on the particular fields. But this time, we were sharing everything from first to end. There were approximately 60 participants and imagine you have to sit from 9 to 5 for 2 days watching and listening to each presenter. It was tiring but at the same time I enjoyed it because I feel like I am accepted in the group where we share ideas and getting to know other researches outside our field of study. Importantly, this conference has opened up my mind that academics is not so boring. Selected papers will be published in scopus index journal and I hope mine will be one of those . if it is selected I will be very proud of myself because that my paper is 99% my work and 1% correction from SV. By the way, I was one of the best presenter yesterday. Just cannot believe that. haha

I hope after this my enthusiasm in academics will boost and be more active in my work. Oh ya, I met my old friend at the conference. Grace is now in 5th sem and I really like her. Till then, bye!

Grace and me

Unfindable Gaps

It has been 4 months since I started my  intensive research for my phd. Apart from weekly meeting with Mr.supervisor, this semester I am attending research methodology class. One word that can make me vomit for hearing or seeing the spelling is "research gap". It is repeatedly being discussed in my everyday life. Wake up in the morning with a mission to find a gap. If failed, it will continue the next day until I find at least one! Hell ya, it's very stressful life because no phd without gap or gap is a phd. Whatever.

It's not an easy work. I need to read and read like reading monster. But still I haven't find any! The question is until when should I search for it? Are all phd candidates in this world have to have this in their research? Or only my faculty? It doesn't make sense. How many researchers in this world? How we can find a gap that hasn't been filled by other researcher? Can't I do something just empirical but interesting? I really don't understand why they have this kind of requirements.

Thinking of research and my progress really make me sick. I hate research! Hate!

Study @ money

I never taught that study is the hardest thing to do, moreover in my age. It becomes harder because no source of income. I was offered scholarship starting September 2011 but until now I haven't get the money. SPS said end of this month they will pay "if there's no problem". wth! What problem? Maybe you are the problem. What can I say more. SPS will always be SPS. UTM postgraduate students must understand what I mean. Cannot expect more from them. I just pray everything goes smooth and I get the money end of this month, if I don't die of hunger +.+

My studies, so far I didn't do much. Still round and round finding the best topic with my supervisor help. I hope I can finalized it before next semester start middle of this month. How I wish my best friend Linda is here. Really miss the study moment with her..at least when i'm stress, we will do something crazy..

hmm..ok lah..need to read some articles, tomorrow there'll be meeting with Mr.Supervisor!

Group discussion

Today I joined another group discussion for PhD students. From 11a.m. until 2.30 p.m. Wallaweyh!! my stomach got cramped! was very hungry. Note for me to eat lot breakfast for next 2 week meeting.

I presented my preliminary idea about my research. The supervisors responded good which clear my confusion. So, now I know better what I am going to do and my research scope. They advised me to read more and more to understand the situation well. My research is about service quality in airlines industry both in full service airlines and low cost carriers. Guys, if you have any opinion about this, you are very welcome to tell me. Because I am still in the early stage. Lots of works to do, I know.

I really don't understand with some of the group members, for your information most of them are international guys. They like to interrupt and give comment but sometimes its not related to the topic discussed. Is it me who do not understand? or is it me who have low understanding of their words? Another thing is, their english language is not so good. How the university look at this issue? To become a world class university, I think this should be count seriously.

I hope the next meeting won't be tiring like today. I hope the students learned something and will present better so that our group discussion will be interesting. That also a reminder to me.:)

Call me student

I want to share my new journey in my way to become doctor of philosophy...

So, this blog will be my diary and I will update my PhD studies story besides my other stories in life..

The decision to apply for PhD did not come easily. Bff had been asking me to further my study after my Master study. But, knowing me, I always think that I cannot do it. After a year of nothing but being among PhD students that sometimes make me jealous, I decided to give it a try. Why they can, why I can't? So, I contacted several lecturers to find suitable project and finally I found a cool lecturer whom before this taught me one subject during Bachelor Degree. He proposed me a project regarding airline industry and what a surprise, I really interested to do it! Before this I hate so much research but now I have passion on it. So, in 2 days I prepared my proposal to get admission and submitted my documents. After 3 days, I got my PhD offer letter and on 22 September I registered as a PhD student. Here, I want to sat thank you so much to bff because he inspired me continue my study for the sake of my own life! In 3 years, Insyallah I will become a doctor.

On 28 September I had my first meeting with my supervisor. We discussed further for my project and I think my supervisor is really cool in his way.

Studying PhD means I will lose my source of income as I am doing it fulltime, so I applied for a scholarship under my university. It is still in process and I will update about it. Besides that, the university also contacted me and nominated me for Khazanah Watan Scholarship. Today I received an email for first stage selection. Also i will update about it later..Hopefully, I can get any one of that as I really need $$ now..I believe Allah will open way for me..Insyallah..